On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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