my mouth tastes like poor choices
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
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