I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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