Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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