the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?