Texts From Last Night

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  (585): View more from New York

  Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.

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  (585): Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked. http://tfl.nu/rhwl
  Replies (27) Good night (2737) Bad night (866)
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  (516): View more from New York

  i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.

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  (516): i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik. http://tfl.nu/oo49
  Replies (14) Good night (4325) Bad night (1078)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.

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  (561): If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls. http://tfl.nu/stc1
  Replies (8) Good night (3880) Bad night (1509)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics

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  (727): its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics http://tfl.nu/k6wq
  Replies (22) Good night (4269) Bad night (1086)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning

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  (775): It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning http://tfl.nu/pt0t
  Replies (4) Good night (2481) Bad night (940)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.

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  (812): You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed. http://tfl.nu/qkrz
  Replies (3) Good night (784) Bad night (2124)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.

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  (615): Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place. http://tfl.nu/527t
  Replies (2) Good night (2101) Bad night (662)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.

  (1-704): View more from North Carolina

  im still drunk. birthday week begins.

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  (704): i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat. (1-704): im still drunk. birthday week begins. http://tfl.nu/iqvd
  Replies (2) Good night (1445) Bad night (586)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.

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  (785): Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks. http://tfl.nu/e26o
  Replies (8) Good night (622) Bad night (1257)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?

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  (919): I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright? http://tfl.nu/bgy5
  Replies (1) Good night (886) Bad night (481)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night

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  (440): no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night http://tfl.nu/ig4q
  Replies (1) Good night (637) Bad night (824)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.

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  (773): Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass. http://tfl.nu/m2gp
  Replies (6) Good night (1454) Bad night (650)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.

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  (214): Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it. http://tfl.nu/tru6
  Replies (1) Good night (557) Bad night (282)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.

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  (717): He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire. http://tfl.nu/b1n8
  Replies (2) Good night (357) Bad night (564)
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  (714): View more from California

  It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds

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  (714): It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds http://tfl.nu/cu96
  Replies (5) Good night (267) Bad night (389)

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