my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
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I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
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2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
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It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex