i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
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