i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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