Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.

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  (818): First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex. http://tfl.nu/u5cb
  Replies (23) Good night (632) Bad night (6158)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.

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  (412): I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts. http://tfl.nu/rew4
  Replies (24) Good night (914) Bad night (5356)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?

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  (303): If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made? http://tfl.nu/goen
  Replies (46) Good night (1018) Bad night (16181)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.

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  (843): all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies. http://tfl.nu/8ixd
  Replies (9) Good night (4060) Bad night (1004)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity

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  (850): I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity http://tfl.nu/pmac
  Replies (6) Good night (3099) Bad night (1065)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.

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  (910): A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work. http://tfl.nu/czmo
  Replies (7) Good night (3566) Bad night (773)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.

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  (402): Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped. http://tfl.nu/qxzn
  Replies (7) Good night (3135) Bad night (2138)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  That's science, my friend. Boner science.

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  (937): That's science, my friend. Boner science. http://tfl.nu/d39q
  Replies (7) Good night (3038) Bad night (942)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.

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  (574): I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus. http://tfl.nu/ya8h
  Replies (4) Good night (2299) Bad night (688)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.

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  (513): Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"? (505): yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win. http://tfl.nu/lwrt
  Replies (3) Good night (1881) Bad night (560)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado

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  (828): Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado http://tfl.nu/of4e
  Replies (27) Good night (3404) Bad night (646)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.

  (904): View more from Florida

  Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again

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  (904): i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying. (904): Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again http://tfl.nu/fp8z
  Replies (2) Good night (334) Bad night (772)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.

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  (307): I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband. http://tfl.nu/qjl3
  Replies (10) Good night (2789) Bad night (357)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.

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  (269): I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning. http://tfl.nu/k0jr
  Replies (3) Good night (542) Bad night (507)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.

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  (306): thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand. http://tfl.nu/959s
  Replies (1) Good night (470) Bad night (183)

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