it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize