we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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