when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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