It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
