This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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