Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
