Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
