Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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