the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
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i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
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Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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