if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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