Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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