maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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