Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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