The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
