the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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