He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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