this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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