if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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