at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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