ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
