His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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