Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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