your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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