The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
