my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
