And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Life without a bra equals bliss.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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