So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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