I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
