You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
