turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
