Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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