no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
