im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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