about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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