It's like God shit irony all over that family
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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