it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
