im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
