yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
