i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
