So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
