God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
This girl is more easily done than said...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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