I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
