I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
