she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
