is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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