6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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