just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
