this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
