Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
