yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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