thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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