I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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