I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize