Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
