can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
