Dignity is for republicans.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
