..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
