hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
