If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
