I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
