On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
