But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
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You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
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She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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